He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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