So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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