No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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