Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
