Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
