I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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