Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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