made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
