I hate your face
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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