Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
