We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
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Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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