Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize