I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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