I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
