shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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