i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
