I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
