I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
