I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
