I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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