OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Two words: blizzard sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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