If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
