i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
