sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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