Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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