Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize