You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Reggie can tackle my bush.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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