I CAN MOONWALK!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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