Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
