Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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