i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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