I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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