if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
