We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
