The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
