So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
