I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
