You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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