I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
