why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Found the puke drawer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
