i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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