Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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