She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
