OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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