Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
