he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
