im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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