so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
