god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
