I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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