The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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