So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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