dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
