don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
