Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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