How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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