what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
