What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
