He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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