Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
