Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
