yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
