forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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