Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
