You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
