Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
