I faked an abortion last night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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