Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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